Today, it’s easier than ever to feel like you’re not good enough. Just go on any one of the social media apps you’re on for your daily dose of, “I’m not good enough.”
I find myself feeling like this quite often. Despite limiting my use of social media, just being around other people in hyper-competitive environments makes me feel this way.
I’ve learned that recognizing the value I have comes from action. Not from reading, hypothesizing, or romanticizing about the things I want to do.
Recently I’ve been reading a lot on early career decision making by people I admire, see links in my newsletter.
While reading Paul Graham’s essay, in particular, I realized the source of a lot of my angst over the past few months. I’ll get back to this later.
First, a quick recap for those who aren’t that close to me. At the end of last spring, I was in a committed relationship with someone I cared deeply about, I was working close to full-time at a well-regarded startup in NYC, and I had an internship offer to work in a supply chain operations role at Amazon for the summer.
Last night, I visited a night club close to my campus for the first time.
As someone who doesn’t drink for personal reasons, it was beyond an interesting experience.
I didn’t fully understand what people were referring to when they said college is a 4-year long party until last night.
Not to disparage those who find ‘going out’ a fun experience, I found it to be the opposite. After talking to some friends who frequent these social gatherings more often I learned, they don’t either.
Naturally, I asked them why do they do it?
As 2018 comes to an end, I’m at one of the lowest points in my life.
Yeah, I said it. Life’s not perfect and not everything is up and to the right.
Despite that, I’d still like to take a moment to recognize I’m incredibly lucky, fortunate, and grateful for the experiences I’ve had and for the relationships I’ve fostered.
Amongst many people, the following have immensely influenced me: NS, Abhishek Pratapa, Ian Neal, Bradley Mitchell, Chris Sha, Robert Neal, Steven Lu, Rustin Chamberlain, Richard Kim, Chad Oda, Hena Patel, Travis Spaulding, and the RES Family.
A quick story:
While standing in line on the day of high school graduation, I asked a friend standing in front of me,
“What do you wish you did more of?”
His answer astonished me,
I asked, “why?”
Where does impatience come from?
na·ive·té – (n) lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment.
When I’m impatient I feel like I should have something I don’t have right now. It can be a materialistic good, a job, or a physical attribute. It can also be internal attributes like peace of mind, charisma, or humor.
Thinking for yourself is unintuitive.
On February 6th, 2018 I tweeted:
Ever since making the change from pre-med to business I’ve been on a non-linear growth trajectory.
I’ll be honest, I feared to write and share my thoughts publicly.
When you’re expressing your unfiltered experiences to the world who has expectations of how you should live your life you encounter fear.
The one thing that matters: doing what I say I’m going to do when I said I would. Surprisingly, it is incredibly difficult to do this without discipline or meticulously choosing the things I want to do.
There are a few things to take into consideration when making this decision:
- Why should I do X?
- How long will it take me to do X?
- What am I willing to give up to do X? (opportunity cost)
As a human being, I naturally lack discipline and focus. Let’s call this lack of discipline and focus resistance. In physics, we learned an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Sometimes it’s difficult to get in motion when you don’t want to.
What do you think about when you’re alone?
Are your thoughts positive? Negative? Do you get bored?
Something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently is what happens when you have the freedom to do the things you want to do when you want to do them.